I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
People with herpes should wear stickers.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
