I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
