Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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