as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
