So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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