Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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