I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
