3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
