It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
