I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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