do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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