So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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