did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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