if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
