I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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