Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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