I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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