hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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