She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
