All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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