i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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