I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
