Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
