My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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