Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
