It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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