New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
