"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize