yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
