I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
