I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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