I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
