Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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