I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
