I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That was before I lit my hair on fire
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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