even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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