i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
