so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
