i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
