Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
