Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
