I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
