There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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