i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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