the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
