Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
