I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
