Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
