i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
