Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
