Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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