low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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