Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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