I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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