Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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