one word: firstdatebathroomanal
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize