I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
