this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
