I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
