I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
