I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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