hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
