Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
