I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
