Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
