Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
