Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
