I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
did you just send me my own nude
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
