I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
