Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
