Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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