he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
